Alive
by DragonGirl90
Summary: the result of a dare written during Behavioral Neuroscience class, there is blood and gore and so it is T


**hello all, I am still alive, and though my muse refuses to get his lazy butt in gear properly I do have friends that do like to dare me to write things, this is what I was doing when I was supposed to be paying attention in behavioral neuroscience class today! the dare was to write a dark, but not evil or too OOC Alphonse, it is rough but I kind of like it!**

It happened quickly, a piece of rubble came loose and fell. It pinned Edward and the man took his chance to aim his gun at Edward's head. The man grinned maliciously and Edward's eyes widened in fear.

Surly time must have passed, a few minutes at least, but he couldn't remember that span of time. And considering the outcome maybe it was best that he had no recollection of it.

The next thing he knew he was kneeling over a gory splatter so mutilated that it was only the scraps of clothing that gave any indication that it was a human at one time, and the gore that wasn't on the ground or walls was on him, all over him.

He started trembling as his mind put together the pieces to give him an idea of what had happened.

"Al, let's get you cleaned up"

He turned and saw Edward standing there behind him but avoiding looking at him, now there were other people picking through the scattered debris, all in military blue. He took a few minutes to stand up slowly and Edward led him past the soldiers and to a place where they could clean his armor without anyone to bother them. Edward was silent as he carefully scrubbed the parts that he couldn't reach himself, and that was fine with him because what was there to say really.

He had killed that man… well killed was putting it lightly, he pulverized the man by the looks of it. And that was horrible; taking a life was horrible, for any reason. But what really disturbed him was that small part of him that wasn't bothered by the murder. And that part was in two parts as well, on side tried to rationalize it; the man was a criminal that had killed many people before, and was about to kill his brother, the man would have been killed by the state anyway, the man was bad and the world was probably better without him around. But the other part, the truly frightening part took dark joy in the murder, he was powerful! Look at what he could do, he had turned a human into ground beef easily, and who could really stop him if he were to try it again?

No, no, NO, that was wrong, so wrong, how could he think like that he had just killed someone!

He watched as Edward quietly finished cleaning the armor and putting the pieces that he had taken off back in place. From the cleaning effort Edward now had some splotches of the man on him, and it reminded him uncomfortably that his brother wasn't innocent of murder either, hadn't been for a while. He remembered when he had first found out that Edward had killed someone, they had split up on that particular mission to cover more ground, and when it was over he still hadn't known until that night when he caught Edward scrubbing his hands furiously even though the skin on his left hand was raw whimpering about the blood not coming off and confronted him on what he was doing. Even though he loved his brother and knew that Edward wouldn't have done it if there were much other choice, for a little while he had felt slightly repulsed by the knowledge that Edward had taken a life. He wondered if Edward felt the same way about him now.

He looked at his metal gauntlets, clean to most people's eyes but he saw the blood and gore that had been there not long ago. At the time he hadn't really understood why Edward had scrubbed his skin raw and muttering the nonsense of the blood still being there when the only blood there was his own but now he was beginning to get it. The memory would never leave; even if no one else could see it he knew that he was stained forever, only for him the only danger to himself with over scrubbing was rust.

"Are you scared of me, Brother?" he asked after a long moment contemplating his hands, Edward had still avoided looking at him in the 'eyes' the whole time he had been cleaning.

"No Al," Edward sighed "I just wish it hadn't turned out like that" now Edward did look him in the eyes and with that he realized that Edward had been mourning the last bit of both their innocence being lost. Ever since that night so long ago they had both lost most of their childish innocence and what hadn't been lost that night had mostly been stripped from them by the military and those various missions. But him killing someone had been the final nail in the coffin, that had up until now been the last shred they had left.

"I'm sorry Brother."

"I am too Al," Ed said voice sounding weary and aged, "but at least we are both alive."

Alive had never sound like such a painful word before, heavy and full of darker things than anyone should be forced to know about. But thinking about it if he had it to do again he probably would, he would fight and kill for his brother if necessary again too, he always would, as Edward would do for him. And even though alive was a heavy and dark word now, even though they had again lost something they would never have again, there was still hope for better things as long as you were alive, "Yeah, we are that."

**yep cookies to anyone who gets where I stole the last bit of dialogue from... actually any fan should know that, useless muses to those who can't get it, even if I _oh-so-cleverly_ changed the speakers.**

**R&R it not only feeds _my_ ego but might get that useless source of mental frustration known as Xilon to be a little less frustrating.**


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